Blood Red and the Color of Mourning
by alterego ero-mandy
Summary: This takes place during the Enterprise's second five year mission. James T. Kirk married his Communications Officer after the first mission. Their marriage is tested with the miscarriage of their third child. Nyota has slipped into depression after the miscarriage and now James must help her cope with the loss of their child. 2nd installment in Red & Yellow series.


Third Installment in **Red and Yellow **series

**Title: Blood Red and the Color of Mourning**

**Rating: M**

**Word Count: 2,513**

**Summary: **This takes place during the Enterprise's second five year mission. James T. Kirk married his Communications Officer after the first five year mission. Now their marriage is tested with the miscarriage of their third child, the late female Sophia Ann Kirk. Nyota has slipped into depression after the miscarriage and now James must help her cope with the loss of their child. Kirk/Uhura

* * *

James T. Kirk remembered the night…now there are many nights the infamous Captain could remember, but this one is special. He remembers three nights to be exact, the nights he created his children.

The first night was on the honeymoon with Nyota. It was slow and passionate, the first night they made love. Jim loves it the best because it was the first time. He remembers trying to not rip her gorgeous wedding dress off and just throw her on the bed. He thought she looked so delicate and fragile in her veil; they actually made love with her veil on.

Of course Jim couldn't care or tell the difference. That night so long ago Jim caressed Nyota's body in a way that could only state his claim. They molded together in the bedroom set on an exotic class M planet. His thrusts were slow and controlled, passionate and gentle, he rolled into her. Nyota remembers how she wrapped her arms around his damp back, kissed every part of him she could get her hands on, and cried his name when she came. Afterwards they had hugged each other close and whispered each other asleep. This encounter resulted in Skylar.

The second night was lustful and full solely of desire. It had been the first night they had away from their child, Skylar. As soon as James closed the door Nyota attacked him. She slammed him into the wall and took him right there.

Her lips took his and she wrestled their clothes out of the way of what they both craved more than anything. Nyota came to her senses once she had them undressed but she had done too well of a job and Jim was too far gone to wait any longer.

So Jim hauled her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He shoved up her skirt and slammed her against the wall as he quickly pushed in. They both groaned in relief, Nyota's head thunking softly on the wall behind her as Jim began to move quick and smooth. They barely lasted ten minutes; they were reduced to horny teenagers. They slumped to the floor in exhaustion and laughed at themselves. This one gave to Dylan.

The third night was planned. Jim and Nyota both wanted _one _more, than their family would be complete. So it was romantic.

Jim lit candles, sprinkled rose pedals about the room. Nyota had been amused and very much pleased, she had thought it was sweet. Jim did say he had never gone through so much trouble just for sex, especially with his wife. But it had been well worth it for the sweet love they made. It was better than the first, but still not Jim's favorite. To be honest, Jim hated this night. He hated himself and everything about it because it resulted in the worst night of his life.

Jim hugged his wife into his chest as they lay sleeping. Suddenly he's awoken by a cry of pain and a strange wetness. The Captain bolted awake and sat up. He commanded the lights at thirty percent.

His jaw dropped in horror and he prayed that the scene before him was just a dream of doubt. But there was his wife in her silk nightgown, clutching her stomach in pain. Nyota had beads of sweat all along her brow and blood soaked the crotch of her nightgown.

Horrified brown eyes found Jim's and chilled him deeply._ "Jim…"_ her voice is weak and shaky. Jim jumps into action, gathering his wife in his arms and running to Sickbay.

Jim bursts through the doors, tears threatening to overflow as he called for Bones. "Bones!"

The CMO came running over immediately knowing the situation upon seeing Nyota. "Get her to the surgical room. Nurse Chapel, I need you in the surgical room, now!"

Jim gently lies Nyota down on the bed, tightly holding her sweaty hand. Bones hands his friend a hypo spray and without a second thought, Jim gently injects it into his wife's neck.

Nurse Chapel joins them in the room. "Have you been bleeding lately?"

"Only the last two days."

Jim turns to her, "why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't think anything of it; we were getting close to the due date. It could have been my bloody discharge."

"She's right, but in this case it looks like a miscarriage. Jim, Nyota, I'm sorry." Bones says, turning toward them with a hopeless expression. Jim bites his lip and wills his tears not to fall, he has to stay strong for his wife.

Nyota shakes her head and cries shamelessly. _"No…no, no, no, please…"_ Jim wraps her in his arms and strokes her hair, crying silently himself.

"I'm so sorry, I am so sorry." He murmurs to her repeatedly.

"It's not your fault, it's mine – I killed her. I killed her, Jim, I…"

"Don't say that…you didn't."

Nyota only shakes her head and holds her husband tighter, crying harshly into his chest. "I have to get this baby out or he might cause blood poisoning from infection."

Nyota sniffles and pulls away from Jim reluctantly, "okay…do what you have to do, put me under." She speaks through her flood of tears and it pains Bones to see both of them this way.

"This is no one's fault, it just happened. It's not your sperm, Jim, they've swam before and it's not your body, Nyota because you have two perfectly healthy children at home. Now stop trying to find someone to blame."

Jim kisses her hard once on her lips and gently on her forehead. "I love you…" he whispers against her skin. "I love you too…" Nyota holds his hands cupping her face. "I won't leave your side. I'll be the first face you'll see when you wake up."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

Nyota smiles weakly as a fresh wave of tears stream down her face. "I love you so much… I'm sorry I lost your little girl."

"You didn't lose her and it's our little girl."

Bones puts Nyota under and ushers Jim out the room who immediately goes to check on their children who are no doubt awake.

Kirk walks through the door to see his two children already walking toward the doorway. Dylan rubs the sleep out of her eyes and yawns. Skylar's copper hair sticks out in odd places as the four year old boy walks up to his dad and hugs the squatting man.

Kirk has a rule of no crying in front of the children but this is the one time he's broken it. Dylan walks over and hugs them also, none of the siblings knowing why.

Jim gathers both of them in his arms and walks back to Sickbay, not really explaining to them what's going on other than 'mommy's sick'.

Jim waits with his children in Sickbay for only a few minutes before Bones is done. "She's not awake but…she will be in an hour or so."

"Okay…I'll wait. Could you put Dylan and Skylar back to bed for me?" Bones smiles as if it's nothing. "Of course, I'll do anything, you just name it. I'm real sorry by the way."

"So you mean I can blame you for this?"

Bones laughs after some hesitancy if Jim was joking or not. He takes the children's hands and leads them back to the Captain's quarters.

Jim made himself comfortable in the chair next to the surgical bed and waited for his wife to wake. He of course spent most of the time crying and mourning over the baby he had yet to meet. How is it that you could weep for something that you never knew? Never even seen?! Jim knew in his heart he loved this baby – this girl that was his and only his. How could he not?

All James T. Kirk knew was that there had never been a greater sadness in his heart. But how would Nyota feel? She carried this baby for nine months, felt it inside her only to have it die within her also. It's whole lifespan was spent inside her. Oh Nyota must be heart broken, devastated, utterly shattered with the tragedy.

Jim would have to help her, care for her and love her more than ever – when she needed it most. But how would he? How could he help her when he knew nothing of how to help himself? They were both doomed.

He knew their love would survive this, but would it last long after it? Every couple must deal with hardships, this is their first. Jim squeezed Nyota's warm hand and raised it carefully to his lips to plant a soft kiss on the knuckle.

James did love this woman with all his heart, the same goes for their children. He shares his heart with many people.

Suddenly the hand wrapped tightly in his gives a faint squeeze and Jim looks up to see Nyota staring blankly at the ceiling, tears leaking down the sides of her face.

"Is it true?"

"What?"

"She's dead…"

"…yes…she is…dead."

Nyota frowns as she tries to stop her tears from falling. Jim stands and places a light hand on her shoulder which causes her body to rack with the force of her tears.

Jim quickly holds her again, crying himself despite his best attempts. "Jim! No, please tell me you're lying! You're lying she's alive! Where is she!"

Jim squeezes his eyes shut and holds her tighter to stop her from fighting him. "Nyota, Nyota, _Nyota! She's dead! We had a miscarriage!"_ Jim doesn't mean to yell at her, but he does and before he can apologize Nyota is spitting venom at him.

_"We? We _had a miscarriage?! No, _no Jim, **I **_had a miscarriage!"

"We're in this together! Do you really think that I didn't lose just as much a daughter as you did?!"

Nyota cries again, pulling at her hair and grinding her teeth. Jim takes her hands in his and looks her in the eyes. "We will get through this just like we get through everything else."

"I know…but…"

"But nothing… We love each other so we will get through this. We cannot replace this child, whatever she was going to be, whoever she would become, but we do have two beautiful children fast asleep in our quarters. In a year or so we can try again but only if you are willing. We knew the consequences, the risks that always come along with bearing children. But isn't it worth it?"

Nyota nods and laughs through her tears, Jim wiping them away with the pad of his thumb.

Jim tightens his grip on her hands, "I promise I will do everything in my very power to get us through this the same way we came into it."

"Okay…I love you."

"I love you." Jim sniffles and kisses her before wrapping her in his arms.

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

Jim's P.O.V.

Nyota's better now. Before she hardly spoke and when she did it was meaningless things in my ear, never to the children or crewmembers.

Now she speaks freely but is still greatly depressed. Bones put her on medication that I give to her every day.

Today was a milestone I believe. She let me kiss her for the first time since that dreadful night two weeks ago.

When she woke I gave her the pill and her usual breakfast of oatmeal and orange juice. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gently kissed her forehead. Searching her face, I decided to kiss her cheek and then her lips ever so gently.

I awoke something in her. I took her lips carefully in mine and nurtured her into the kiss, coaxing her slowly. Soon it seemed like my wife was back, she was kissing me tenderly like she always does before she pulled away with a small smile and begun eating.

Now I watch her as she finishes her oatmeal. "Do you like my oatmeal."

"Yes."

"What's your favorite kind?"

"Cinnamon."

"Good…that's what I thought it was."

Conversations with her are boring, she is now very shy – nearly the opposite of the woman I spoke my vows to.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Well."

"Do you think you'll have a good day or a bad day?" I ask her this every day, the same questions over and over and she always says the same things. 'Well, we shall see, and perhaps.'

"We shall see."

"Do you think you'll get any better today?"

"Perhaps."

"I love you." Her big brown eyes look up at me quite surprised. I'm taking a leap into darkness here. I haven't told her that I loved her since the night of the miscarriage.

"Jim…" That's the first time she's called me that! She only referred to me as sir, Captain, and Kirk.

"Yes? Nyota?"

"I…I love you…too." A smile sweeps across my face and I feel heat prick my eyes before I'm hugging her tightly in my arms.

She seems to go rigid in my arms but soon relaxes enough to wrap her arms around me weakly. "I love you so much."

Nyota smiles against my cheek. I hope she's back, no longer so numb to me and the children. I pull away and smile at her still.

"Nyota? Are you okay?"

"Yes…I am."

"What happened two weeks ago?" We have yet to discuss it or bring up the loss of our baby at all since it happened.

"I had a miscarriage."

"Very good and what did I promise you?"

"That we would get through this and come out the same way we went in."

"True…all right. Let's go wake the kids, okay?"

"Okay."

She takes my hand as we walk to their bedrooms. I'm still going to treat her gently, she is fragile and delicate. We pick up the kids and jump onto the bed. Nyota holds Skylar and Dylan on her lap and when she squeezes my hand I know we'll be perfectly fine.

* * *

**FIN**


End file.
